There are a lot of posts sitting in my drafts folder. Most of them talk about pain. I don’t like to publish them. I don’t want or need sympathy. I don’t want more unique visits if they just come to read the bad stuff.
But I am consumed with it today. My body has gone into autoimmune overdrive. This is what happens when hay fever takes a hold and your body is already attacking itself with rheumatoid arthritis, a bastard bad* autoimmune disease.
It appears my hay fever allergies have sent out more emergency beacons than usual to the rest of my body and the joints in my knees have decided to join the party. This means I have itchy, watery eyes, itchy nose and skin, a sore throat and for added fun very painful knee joints. Hurrah.
I should be happy it’s just my knees. When my neck gets sore, or my fingers, I usually want to spend the day crying in full on self pity mode. It is exhausting. The pain, not the crying.
I have some pretty good pain killers, they do a good job at taking the edge off the pain. It never really goes away. But I can’t take those today because I’m off to Mumford and Sons with the Green Eyed Girl. Something we have been looking forward to for what seems like forever. So, the good pain killers, that come with the direction not to drive, are out. I know, poor me right. I can’t take the extra good stuff because I have to go see a really amazing band with my really amazing daughter. Boo hoo.
I try not to let the diagnosis take over my life. I work hard at maintaining a low level of pain. Some days I can even forget it is there, just about. Today though is not one of those days. There have been quite a few of those days this year if I am being honest. It makes me tired, all this getting on with things when there is pain. But I know I will get there.
So now, I’m off for a nana nap. Or a disco nap if you are old enough to remember them, and then I will take my amazing girl to see a band, and just for a while, I will be washed away on a sea of sound and I will forget my aches and ails.
*OK, so bastard bad is not actually part of the diagnosis. Technically speaking.