Misery loves company
As I type I sit here in self made misery. My body it would seem is reminding me of it’s limitations. Running is something I do once a week at the moment if I’m lucky, because to be honest taking a couple of neurofen twenty minutes before I go just so I can run seems a little ridiculous.
This morning I ventured to the supermarket and it was all I could do to concentrate and get the things I needed without sitting down half way through for a rest and a cry.
Sitting down hurts. Standing up hurts. Laying down hurts. Making a cup of tea takes time and effort, and it hurts.
I am not looking for pity. I am not looking for sympathy. It is what it is. I have what I have and should consider myself lucky it only flairs every now and then. Rheumatoid Arthritis. I hate you this week.
Hate is a strong word, but at the moment it’s apt. I am in constant pain. It is all consuming. I am sore and stiff and slow, slow, slow. Everything I do takes effort. I pop pain meds like they’re smarties and I worry about the up coming Run for the Kids 14km event. I am so unprepared.
But I need to remind myself that life is good. I should be happy that most weeks I can run easily, do the thing I love with sure footed ease. I need to remind myself that this will pass. The pain will become an everyday whisper and life will go on.
I should marvel that my legs carry me the five, six, seven… ten… twenty one kilometres they do without much complaint usually. Should marvel that I live in a country where I can get the drugs I need at a reasonable cost and can, most days keep it all at bay. I should be thankful of the flat screen TV Hubby bought for the bedroom and snuggle under the doona with the remote and my favourite movies for company. Should be happy I can never get enough of watching Pride and Prejudice, Love Actually and Sense and Sensibility.
I should be happy that Hubby takes over all the house work when I am like this instead of us sharing the load. Should be happy I have heating and pyjamas and a good supply of tea.
And I will be fine again I tell myself. I promise. I will be soon. It’s just that right now it hurts and I’m tired. I’ll build a bridge held together with with pain killers, doonas and movies, and get over myself soon. And in the meantime I’ll listen to music, soothe my soul with it’s tones and words. Tomorrow is another day.
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tomorrow is another day but i also think it’s important to stop and focus on the things that trouble us and i’m glad you wrote this post. these sorts of things, pains of everyday living our bodies throw up, can really take a toll on not only our body by also our mental state. chronic pain sucks arse and if you’ve never experienced it, you’re unlikely to grasp how much it can affect everyday living – i know my migraines literally stop me in my tracks some days and render me completely useless in any function other than being horizontal in a darkened room with lots of painkillers.
sometimes our bodies just need that break. time to stop. do nothing. relax. recuperate. and when they do, and we take that time to stop, do nothing, relax & recuperate, our soul benefits too.
here’s to hoping you’re back to your running pain free self sooner rather than later but until then, enjoy the pj’s, doona and movies.
~x~
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Naomi Reply:
March 18th, 2012 at 9:00 pm
Doing nothing sounds like the perfect plan.
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I had no idea.
You MUST tell me if you would like me to do anything for you. While I’m down in the town (ok, so I just said that bit about the town so that I could pretend we live in England).
Have you ever tried Something’s Gotta Give? I had that on high rotation for a while there, along with Love Actually. And It’s Complicated? I really enjoyed that, despite not wanting to.
Get better soon.xx Call me. You know I want to help and only happy to, even if it’s mostly useless. Consider me your Labrador (with similarly proportioned rear end).
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Naomi Reply:
March 18th, 2012 at 9:03 pm
Love all those movies. I’m a sucker for anything romantic. I’ll be fine, seriously. But you’re more than welcome to pop up from town to my village any time. (see what I did there… Town, village, Englishness abounds.) pip pip!
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Oh I wish I could swish your pain away. I am not giving you pity..just wishes that will come true!
hugs
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Naomi Reply:
March 18th, 2012 at 9:03 pm
Thanks x
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Chocks aweigh, ol’ chap! I will come doff my cap at you through your (incredibly large) front door sometime soon. Take it easy.
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So hard to be grateful and happy when you’re shrouded in pain Naomi. Knowing it all logically is lovely and all but you just want to tell pain to eff off really so you can get back to “normal”. Much love xxxx
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Naomi Reply:
March 19th, 2012 at 3:05 pm
So true Cat, if only pain would do as its told… X
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Pain is the loneliest number.
I am so sorry you have that bugger of a condition.
I was once tested but don’t, I just have the ordinary arthritis
Naomi…everything you write is true. We are lucky etc & I know that my husbands parkinsons disease and neuropathy are managed well because we live in Aus.
But you know what. Who wants a chronic and painful disease? No-one.
Trust that the good days are just around the corner, and your body is being boss at the moment.
Take care…. Look forward to seeing you again in Melbs.
Love Denyse x
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Naomi Reply:
March 19th, 2012 at 3:07 pm
I like what you say about your body being your boss, something in that rings true for me, thanks D. X
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Rest up, take care and feel better soon.
Sometimes we need to wallow a bit – gives us time to remember how great life is.
You’re amazing to be able to run comfortably. And I live your new blog header xx
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Naomi Reply:
March 19th, 2012 at 3:09 pm
Wallowing is good some days, just a bit over myself at the moment. It’ll pass. Xx
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Oh chook. I can feel the aches from here. Wallow away. Chuggalug the drugs a while. And rest up. xx
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Naomi Reply:
March 19th, 2012 at 3:12 pm
It’s a beautiful warm day here, certainly makes things seem a little easier. See you soon x
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bless you, i think ur perfectly entitled to wallow. x
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Naomi Reply:
March 19th, 2012 at 3:13 pm
Wallowing is all part of recovery somedays I think.
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Thinking of you, I hope you feel better soon. DVD therapy sounds like just the thing to help you through. xx
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Naomi Reply:
March 19th, 2012 at 3:13 pm
Nothing like an afternoon in bed with DVDs to help all manner of ills.
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