Dear Blue Eyed Boy
Dear Blue Eyed Boy,
Hi, it’s Mum. I know you won’t read this yet. I know you’ll take a big breath and sigh and give me that look. The one that says really Mum? But I’m going to write it anyway.
This week you start high school. I can still remember when I was pregnant with you and here we are starting the next stage. The time, it just flies.
So, here are some things I want you to know.
Everyone tells you to be yourself. And that’s a great thing to be. But there’s a catch, sometimes it’s really hard. Sometimes we just want to be like everyone else, dress like them, talk like them, listen to the same music… and that’s okay too. Being like everyone else still makes you you.
You don’t need to know what you want to do after high school. Just do what you like, what you’re good at, what you want to be good at. The right path will come along. There are jobs that you haven’t even heard of yet.
Be patient.
Facebook is great. Just remember the internet is forever. Post like you want to be posted about. Respect privacy. If you’re heart is breaking, tell me, tell Dad, write it down with pen on paper. Leave your facebook wall for the more mundane stuff.
You don’t need to be good at sport. Remember there’s art and drama and music. There’s science and maths and history. Not many people are good at everything.
Read books. As many as you can.
Watch movies. Over and over.
Play your music loud.
Dance.
Go to concerts. Buy the T-shirts. You’re only young once.
Wear earplugs.
Visit art galleries.
Take photos.
Wash you face.
Shower.
Clothes are important. Find the ones you like, that make you look and feel good. Wear them. Even if I don’t like them.
Remember tattoos are forever. So if you want one, let Dad and me help you choose. Or at least help you pick a great artist to do it. And you have to be 18.
Smoking kills. So does a car going too fast.
Think of a really great way to say no when you’re offered drugs. Because you will be.
Hangovers are disgusting.
If you make a mistake, know Dad and I will be here. Remember we were young once and made big fat mistakes too. There is nothing you could do that would make us not love you. Ever.
Use your mobile phone. Text your friends. Text your grandparents. Text Dad. Text me. It’s what we gave it to you for. To keep in touch.
If you’re sad, feeling lost, hurt or unsure, ask for help. Tell someone you’re not okay. Me, Dad, a teacher… but always, always ask. It’s good to ask for help.
Give up your seat on the train for those who need it more that you do.
Homework sucks. But you still have to do it.
Love is hard. And when it ends it hurts. That’s why it’s good to have your friends and your family. For help. For comfort. For all night gaming and too much coke and chips. (And that’s why you should text us all.)
Some friends will always be around. Some will come and some will go. It’s alright. That happens.
Cry. Sometimes it’s good for you.
Dream.
Always come home. Even if it’s 4am.
We will always be here for you. We will move house. More than once. But our home will always be open to you. And your favourite song? Remember the words. Find you own way to yell fire.
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What a beautiful and amazing post. And what a lucky boy to call you Mum. Wishing you all love and luck for the high school journey ahead. xx
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Naomi Reply:
January 30th, 2012 at 10:49 pm
Thanks Ami. It’s all a journey isn’t it. Every age & stage. X
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Oh Naomi, so touching to read, and I know that he will “one day”. Thank you so much for sharing…and to be honest, this needs to be written for every kid by their parents at about this age. Wonderful wordsmith, filled with love. Just love. You have an amazing gift. I’m sure your kids know that…Denyse XX
Denyse Whelan recently posted..Starting School. In Australia.
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Naomi Reply:
January 30th, 2012 at 10:50 pm
Thanks D, I think my kids know it. Most of the time anyway. X
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Thank you for this post my lovely friend. It is posts like this that make me ever so grateful that you are walking the road ahead of me and I can toddle along a decade behind with my two boys and learn so much from the wisdom and love you put out there xx
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Naomi Reply:
January 30th, 2012 at 10:52 pm
Lovely Suz, I’ll be here, bumbling along. It’s all any of us can do xxx
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A beautiful post. I hope that your blue eyed boy does read it and take your advice to heart.
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Naomi Reply:
January 30th, 2012 at 10:55 pm
He may read it, one day. It’s there waiting. Like most things, kids take it on board when they’re ready. The trick for me will be to remember what I wrote in it too.
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Beautiful post Naomi, I wish someone had told me those things when I was young. He is very lucky to have a mum like you. x
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Naomi Reply:
January 30th, 2012 at 10:58 pm
Thanks Jody, it’s a tricky business this growing up thing, that’s for sure. X
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Absolutely perfect.
x
I truly hope he does read it yet.
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Naomi Reply:
January 30th, 2012 at 10:58 pm
Maybe, one day. He knows it’s there. I never post about either of them without their knowing.
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Wow, this is amazing! I really hope he reads this, either now or in ten years time. Such great advice from a great mother. xxx
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Naomi Reply:
January 30th, 2012 at 10:59 pm
I’d say it’s more likely in 10 years time.
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Naomi, what a beautiful piece of writing, it really touched me!
I have emailed it to both Mr 17 in Yr 12 & Mr 12 just starting Yr 7, you words put my thoughts exactly where they should be, thank you.
Lisa xxx
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Naomi Reply:
January 31st, 2012 at 4:50 pm
Lisa, I hope your boys read it then. I think the thoughts I wrote are pretty universal for us mums. x
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Beautiful Naomi. I had all those thoughts myself. Mine have both left school now and they still ring true. You are a great mum. xx
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Naomi Reply:
January 31st, 2012 at 4:51 pm
Annie, you have told me things about the years to come with my boy that I hold on to. You’re a pretty great mum yourself. x
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You sound like an awesome Mother. I hope I can offer the same smart, down to earth advice to my sons when they start high school. My eldest is off to kindy tomorrow, even that feels surreal.
It makes so much sense to write this sort of reflection, this sort of guidance in a letter, sometimes life is so noisy that words get lost in it all. This way, when he does get to read it, he can keep going back to the words over and over, whenever he needs to.
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Naomi Reply:
January 31st, 2012 at 4:54 pm
If you hope to offer the same advice, then you will. We know our own kids pretty well, plus, as different as it is now, we remember those teen years. So writing it down was the best way for me to expres it. Writing is somewhat easier than saying it for me at times.
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Just blown away by that post. So beautiful. Simply beautiful and heartfelt. From one mum to another – you rock. xxx Thank you.
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Naomi Reply:
January 31st, 2012 at 4:54 pm
Thanks Kylie x
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I am sitting here with my 5 day old baby boy asleep on the bed behind me. He’s such a tiny little precious bundle of innocence that I cannot possible imagine him starting high school, or even primary school for that matter, but your words have moved me as I imagine all the wonderful (and not so wonderful) life experiences that lie ahead of him. I can only hope that he knows that I will always be here for him too x
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Naomi Reply:
January 31st, 2012 at 4:56 pm
I think the universality of parenthood is just that Melissa, we always want our children to know we’ll be there for them, no matter if they are 5 days old or 75. if you want him to know it, I’m sure he will. And congratulations on such a wonderful bundle, enjoy his newness. x
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Print it out and stick it the inside of his wardrobe door.
Even if he pretends not to read it, you know he will love it.
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Naomi Reply:
January 31st, 2012 at 4:57 pm
You could be on to something Claire. Thanks for the idea.
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And to answer his texts as well!!
What a lovely post Nay, but then I knew you would put it all into the beautiful words that we less articulate Mum’s had/have trouble with. Show the post to the Green-Eyed Man & tell him that was what I was thinking, but couldn’t quite put into words, all those years ago. And I still mean it .. for all 4 of you!
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Naomi Reply:
January 31st, 2012 at 4:58 pm
We’ve just put him on a better plan, he can answer now with less fear of it costing him half his available credit!
I’ll tell the green eyed man
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ok, tears…beautiful, you are a fabulous mummy & he will always be your little boy & guess what no matter what you will always be his mummy xxxxx
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Naomi Reply:
January 31st, 2012 at 4:58 pm
JThat I will be Sheree. Even if he is embarrassed to be seen with me some days. x
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Sheree Reply:
February 1st, 2012 at 9:43 am
hah that will happen even to the coolest of us mums. Changes afoot here after 2 years at home with me my girl is going to family daycare 2 days a week & Im on the job hunting circuit…could be interesting, changes & challenges
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Naomi Reply:
February 1st, 2012 at 4:28 pm
That is a big change, a good one too. For you & your lovely girl. Here’s to changes & challenges x
Oh Naomi’s post has resonated with so many of us. Thank you for reminding all of us about how it ‘is’ as kids grow up. Mine have long flown the nest, and have their own to settle into schools, and high school and pre schools. Naomi, this post is going to be link in the next Denyse Whelan Newsletter – I know I’ve asked before. Your gift of understanding about kids needs sharing. Thank you in advance!
Denyse
Mum of 40 yo girl, 33 yo boy
MIL of 42 yo boy, 30 yo girl
Grandma to 15 yo girl, 13 yo girl, 11 yo boy, 4 yo boy, 2 yo girl..and one on the way…due 28 April to 40 yo girl!!! She’s expecting our 4th granddaughter.
*life goes on via our children and grandchildren*
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Naomi Reply:
January 31st, 2012 at 5:01 pm
You should be one very proud Mum and grandmother Denyse. xxx
And of course, link away
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Granny MAT Reply:
January 31st, 2012 at 5:03 pm
Hi Denyse, mine is grown too. Luckily he found Naomi, very sensibly married her & is the father of the blue-eyed boy.
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Im so grateful you’re my big sister and I can learn from you and hopefully bumble my way through parenthood as beautifully as you have. He is an amazing boy and going to be an amazing man. I am very bias but it’s true.
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Naomi Reply:
January 31st, 2012 at 5:01 pm
We all bumble, it’s the beauty of parenthood. I’ll take your biased comments too xxx
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I love this, Nomie. I’m trying desperately to swallow the lump in my throat.
The 9yo started Y5 at a new school this week, and the 5yo starts Kindy (or preschool in other states) this Thursday. It’s a huge week for them, and for me. I will be an empty-nester (from 9am through to 3.15, anyway). Not sure how I’m going to feel about that, but not feeling so cheery about it right now.
All the best for your Blue-eyed Boy… xox
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Naomi Reply:
January 31st, 2012 at 5:02 pm
Such change for you Jodie. It is as much a blessing as it is a curse isn’t it.
Will be thinking of you this week. xxx
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That was truly beautiful.
As a childless teacher it bought tears to my eyes. I want to say the same things to my students. I might show them this!
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Naomi Reply:
January 31st, 2012 at 5:59 pm
Thanks Megan.
Show them if you like.
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What a beautiful letter. It has brought tears to my eyes. Your son is very lucky. I am sure he will emerge from high school happy and unscathed with a loving home supporting him. I am dreading my little boys venturing into the big wide world…my 4 year old starts kinder next week I can’t even imagine what it would be like with impending high school!
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Naomi Reply:
January 31st, 2012 at 6:01 pm
I remember him starting kinder. And as it’s my job, I get to see this bittersweet moment each year as parents entrust their children to me on their first day of kindergarten. Wishing you all the good luck I have for you & your 4 year old next week.
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I just cried big ugly tears both at the beauty and heart of your post but also because I know that the time between today and when my boys start high school will go at lightning speed & I can only hope like hell I’m as great a mum as you are Nomds! Xxxx
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Naomi Reply:
February 1st, 2012 at 4:27 pm
You will be a wonderful high school mum Cat, I have no doubt. The great thing is as they grow & change so we. X
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yesyesyesyesyes of course a thousand times, yes. Mind if I use this as cheats’ notes in 6 years? I’d say you had me at Michael Franti but you didn’t because he came at the end and I was hooked much earlier in the post than that. Watch movies. Over and over. Could not agree more!
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Naomi Reply:
February 3rd, 2012 at 9:19 pm
I knew I’d have you at Franti!
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Another lovely post with fantastic advice, your blue eyed boy is very lucky. My Blue eyed boy has just turned 18, and I expected to feel bereft, but instead feel a sense of relief and pride, but maybe that’s because I’m ready to start and let go. He still has no idea what he wants to ‘do’ but that’s ok. He had his first tattoo at 16 because it was legal here, but we helped him find a studio and artist. He stretched his ears, he took the plugs out. Doesn’t smoke doesn’t drink but is in a band playing very loud shouty music. He and his brother are great company, and I’m very very happy to be their Mum.
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Naomi Reply:
February 4th, 2012 at 9:03 am
Sounds to me like a great kid with some level headed patenting. 18 is still so young to know what you want to ‘do’ isn’t it. I wish people wouldn’t place that pressure on kids.
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Oh. My. God. :tears:
That was beautiful Naomi.
All of that will be what I want to say to my son when he starts high school in about 10 years… except facebook – who knows what they will be into in 10 years!
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Naomi Reply:
February 4th, 2012 at 9:05 am
Exactly! I’m sure facebook will be gone by then… But not twitter, please not twitter!
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Goosebumps, and now tears. I wish wish wish wish my parents had “got it” like you do. Or wrote it down like you do.
xxx
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Naomi Reply:
February 7th, 2012 at 12:12 pm
I think part of why I wrote it down was to also remind myself, on those days when it’s hard and I want to rant and rave and yell… to remind myself that what I wrote here, as much as it’s about him, is about me and how I want to parent.
And remember, even if your parents didn’t get it, or didn’t write it down for you, you get it, and your kids have you to write their letter when the time comes. xxx
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Love this, Naomi.xx
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Naomi Reply:
February 18th, 2012 at 10:17 am
Thanks Brenda xxx
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Just beautiful, Naomi. I have tears streaming down my face. Oh my goodness. x
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Naomi Reply:
April 2nd, 2012 at 8:43 pm
Thanks Kellie.
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My eyes are welling up because I can see our boys running around our fire pit while this song is being played on New Years Eve. Special special blog Nay, priceless xxx
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Naomi Reply:
June 24th, 2012 at 2:12 pm
It goes by so quickly xxx
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That is so beautiful, even if it does make me shudder a little at the thought of having to let go. If teenagers really knew what it was like to be a parent, they would never leave the house. So maybe it’s best that they don’t know.
Your son is a lucky boy. ( and I may need to borrow your wise words in a few years!) xx
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I have a boy in year seven and I echo all your pearls of wisdom and love that you put the collective thoughts of all us mums into writing so we can all share it. Thankyou thankyou thankyou.
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Naomi Reply:
August 17th, 2012 at 8:26 pm
It’s such a tricky year isn’t it, such a tricky age. I do read back over this post sometimes to remind myself of what I wish for him.
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I so loved this letter! Teenage years are not easy ~ we have five boys, two are already gone through highschool.
Having his back no matter what ~ that means more than anything in the whole world.
And yep we all have our moments of “What did I just say” but at the end of the day, we love our kids! And having something to read aloud as well as share with your son for years to come ~ priceless.
Imagine a few years from now? Imagine when he has his own family? Then he will get how much you love him! Until then I hope all teenagers stay safe while going through the journey of finding who they are.
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